The Voices in my Head

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Many times, especially lately, my mind is a battlefield. I feel a push and a pull; the threads of my thoughts play a gentle tug of war over every situation. Light and dark, truth and lie. This war is panning out in my mind, but each side is fighting for my heart. Voices howl. Taking up arms with vengeance and retribution, words are flown and blows absorbed, all by my delicate heart. Some words stick more than others; they pierce like a sharp knife. And all it takes is a whisper.

You’re not worthy. You’re too hard to get to know. You’ll never measure up.

This war has worked its way into my heart. It has worked its way into my soul. It plays itself out in my actions.

Contrary to the maliciously planted rumor in my head, this war is not imaginary. I am sure of this, as sure as a victim is of her molester. I can sense the war most in the quiet and in the still. And although it plays itself out in my head and in my heart, I would be awry to dismiss its reality. The damage is nearly physical.

There is a voice that yells, like shattering plates and banging pans. It screams to me every insecurity, it blurts them out like an impolite child at a funeral. Every fear and doubt and reservation, this voice knows them all. This voice is manipulative and power seeking. Slithering into dark and hidden places, it delights in unearthing my greatest terrors and deepest longings, only to leave them exposed for all to see and no one to tend. It seems at times inescapable, like I could run for miles to turn around exhausted and utterly spent- only to hear its disheartening hiss.

This voice is real.

This voice is a lie.

This is a voice that has gained practice and followers since the beginning of time. Many have fallen to this voice, many more will. This voice lies and lies and lies. It knows nothing of love or kindness. And this voice belongs to someone, someone who is so well versed and crafty at deception that most victims don’t detect it. Friend, this voice belongs to the one who has come to steal and kill and destroy. Darling, I beg of you, don’t let him take hold of your heart. He is fighting for it, even now. Even this very moment.

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It’s time to wake up.

It’s time to see yourself through the eyes of a greater Truth.

There is a second Voice in the war for your heart.

A capable Voice with the might of thunder, it chooses to whisper. Tenderly, it beckons. A still, small Voice with the power and potential to quiet every banging and clamoring. But it will not compete for your attention. This Voice will wait for your desire to hear it, will wait for you to want it back. This Voice coos and sings; it is wooing you to fall in love. Can’t you hear it? It has been calling your name since the beginning of time, but you have wanted nothing to do with it. Its heart beats and breaks for you, its hands and side bleed for you. It begs of you: Why are you running away from My love? From this Voice speaks the One who loves you, the One who declares devoted and life-giving words over you. Honey drips from His tongue; His words are sweet and healing. There is no condemnation in His voice, only mercy and forgiveness. Though He knows your greatest weakness and understands your deepest fault, He does not wield them against you. He calls you daughter, son, chosen, child. Don’t you hear Him?

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

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I am learning to discern between the voices in my head- between the voice that leads to despair and the voice that leads to hope, between the voice that leads to death and the voice that leads to life. It’s a hard thing to learn, and an even harder thing to practice. I have come to realize, however, that I have a choice when it comes to which voice I will entertain. When I choose to focus on the Voice of truth, a little bit of darkness is swallowed up by light; a little bit of land is taken back from enemy territory.

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but […] against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”

Friend, there is a war going on for your mind, your heart, your soul. The time has come to take up arms in the war for life: the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, the sword of the Spirit.

“For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

It’s time to seek and learn the heartbeat of the Father so we may recognize His voice. Let His voice lead you, let Him alone tell you who you are. He will not lead your heart astray, for Love has already come draped in human flesh to win it back: Jesus.

Let Him fight for you, the Voice of life.

fancifullove

referenced scripture:  1 Kings 19:12, Proverbs 16:24, John 10:10, Ephesians 6:10-17, 2 Corinthians 10:3-5

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